So after months of being stuck using my roomates laptop or a school computer I finally managed to speed up my brother's which I felt the need to confiscate (mine should be on its way to HP), plus he doesnt use it, except for porn. After manually deleting various naughty pictures, PC games and unused, poorly downloaded programs I managed to get the laptop to boot up within 5 minutes instead of the 30 it was taking.
As now, after spending an hour and half at ITS I still cant get online. Apparently malware had broken my connection with the internet and all I had to do was update my windows and AVG virus software. I performed the necessary updates the internet was still unavailable. According to the college network I need to update my Norton software ....well school network, I DONT USE NORTON! and I cant call the help desk now and must wait until tomorrow....damnit.